Writing Issues

1. Passive voice – I’ve noticed in a lot of my quizzes, specifically the on midterm lead and 2nd paragraph and the ABZ fraternity story, I would go back and forth with using passive voice.

2.  Kicker – Throughout a lot of my news stories, I feel like my kickers are always really boring! Specifically, that was something I needed to work on and change in the final draft of my feature.

3. Numbers – I confuse the rules of numbers in a lot of my quiz’s.  For example, when to use the actual number versus spelling out the number (whether it depends on how high the number is or whether the number is at the beginning or middle of the sentence).

Blogs interested in YMCA press release

1)  The Water Family is a blog all about children’s swim lessons so I believe they would be interested in the YMCA press release because people who read about swim lessons would most likely be interested in signing up for them!  This blog also offers a schedule for swim lessons so readers could compare and contrast which ones they like better.

2) Swimator is a blog for swimmers ranging from beginner to advanced.  They would like the press release because there are probably a lot of people who read the blog that are in need of swim lessons.

3) Ande’s Swimming Blog is a blog written by a swim instructor.  On his blog he offers tips to help readers become better swimmers.  He might like this press release and be willing to post it on his blog to give his readers a place to get lessons.

4) Typhoon Swimming is a YMCA swim team in North Haven.  They would be interested in this press release because it is directed at swimmers who have a membership with the YMCA.

5) Tri Swim Coach is a blog dedicated to giving tips to beginner swimmers training for a triathlon.  They might be interested in posting the YMCA press release to offer swim lessons to their readers.

Web Package

For my web package, I chose to go with an Easter-themed display put together by The Washington Post.  The package, titled, “Peep Show 2010,” shows off adorable pictures of different marshmallow Peeps dressed up and put in different scenarios.  The entire web package has a very strong, unifying theme which brings it all together well.  The feature includes pictures of the winner with the best “Peep Show” along with a story about the creators.  I really liked that they included a “Peeps Poll” where you can vote on whether you like Chick peeps or Bunny peeps better in the dioramas.  They also included a collection of photos of past Peep dioramas which was cute and funny to look at, it was definitely something I would have looked at even if this wasn’t an assignment.  There is also a section which allows people to discuss and comment on the peeps, which is not something I would personally do but it seems as though a lot of people take advantage of it.  The last section on the page, titled “More Coverage” features a Peeps Iphone App and a gallery of pictures from last year’s Peep Show winner.

Overall I really enjoyed this web package.  I thought it was put together very well, the colors and setup flowed together nicely and all of the articles were fun and creative.

Exercise 5.10 Stovall – Rewrite

Three students from the Alpha Beta Zeta fraternity were admitted to a local hospital Sunday morning with alcohol poisoning after a party at the fraternity’s house.

Press Martin, junior and Rob Smith, sophomore, were released from the hospital Monday morning.  Al Amalek, freshman, remains in the hospital in critical condition.

The ABZ fraternity has since been suspended indefinitely as well as all of their activities. Although the incident occurred at the ABZ fraternity house, the inter-fraternity council president, Bart Addison, does not believe the entire fraternity should be punished for the actions of a few students.

As of now, university President Harvey Smithville has banned alcohol from fraternities and is also considering increasing police patrols of fraternity houses on weekends.

Binge drinking in college has become a huge issue. One student from LSU and one from MIT recently died due to alcohol poisoning which has caused the universities to crack down on their policies.

Exercise 5.10 Stovall

Binge drinking at fraternity parties have become a huge issue as students from LSU and MIT have recently suffered alcohol poisoning.

One student from LSU and one from MIT recently died due to alcohol poisoning which has caused the universities to crack down on their policies.  One university president has restated a policy that bans alcohol from fraternity houses located on campus property or within campus environs.

Three students from the Alpha Beta Zeta fraternity were admitted to a local hospital this past weekend with alcohol poisoning after a party at the fraternity’s house.  Press Martin, junior and Rob Smith, sophomore, were released from the hospital Monday morning.  Al Amalek, freshman, remains in the hospital in critical condition.

The ABZ fraternity has since been suspended and the university is also considering increasing police patrols of fraternity houses on weekends.

Alcohol poisoning is a serious and deadly thing;  These recent events should be a wake-up call for all fraternities.

2nd assignment for 2/23

a) Straight-news lead – Government data show that the federal Energy Star program, whose familiar logo adorns products from light bulbs to furnaces, can work a bit like Garrison Keillor’s fictional Lake Wobegon, Minn.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/21/AR2010022103688.html

b) Anecdotal lead – DURHAM, N.C. — Through much of Sunday afternoon at Cameron Indoor Stadium, a pocket of red-wearing Maryland women’s basketball fans cheered and waved foam fingers. But they sat quietly in the waning moments of the Terrapins’ 71-59 lossto No. 8 Duke.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/21/AR2010022103239.html

c) Summary lead – Capital One reached an agreement with its federal regulator Thursday to reimburse several thousand credit card customers whom it charged annual fees after they had asked to close their accounts, a practice that amounted to a pattern of repeated errors in its own favor.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/18/AR2010021804197.html

d) Lead I didn’t like –  In the course of unveiling Obama’s new health reform proposal on a conference call with reporters this morning, White House advisers made it clearer than ever before: If the GOP filibusters health reform, Dems will move forward on their own and pass it via reconciliation.

http://theplumline.whorunsgov.com/health-care/white-house-if-gop-filibusters-well-pass-health-reform-via-reconciliation/

I didn’t like this lead because it’s pretty long yet not very informative.  I felt like it could have been condensed and different things could have been said in order to grab the reader’s attention and give them a better idea of what the article is about.

Stovall Exercise 5.5

Lawsuit

Amburn’s Produce Market sued 100K due to negligence.

Ellie Maston slipped on green beans that were left out on the market floor and broke her hip.  The accident occurred on April 1st of this year.  According to the suit, Maston “suffered permanent bodily and mental injuries, incurred medical expenses and lost income.”

Weekly Blog Post

While reading The Washington Post online (which by the way – I had to sign up for a free subscription to do so), I found this one particular article very interesting considering I will soon be flying out of the country.  The article, written by Nancy Trejos, talks about the increasing and excessive baggage fees in airlines.

Trejos points out that airlines not only charge a fee for checking your bags, but if the bag is considered to be overweight (usually 50lbs is the limit), you have to be prepared to front an extra $50-$75.

I really liked how the journalist told the stories and opinions of several different airline customers throughout the article.  This made it very easy to relate to.  While reading other people’s stories in this article, I found myself thinking, “I know exactly what they’re talking about!”  I remember checking my bags last year and having to move shoes and clothes into different bags in order to distribute the weight evenly and avoid paying extra fees.

The journalist went very in-depth with this article, offering a lot of statistics from several different airlines and interviewing a wide variety of travelers.  Reading this also made me dread packing for my upcoming trip, as it has always been hard for me to pack light.

Exercise 4.7 – Paraphrasing

Quotation #1

Martin Goldsmith, GM of the local radio station, said that their goal is to raise $100,000 this year which is %15 more than last year.  Because they spend about $130,000 a year buying programs for the station, the $100,000 will help pay for this and keep their audience happy.

Quotation #2

Marilyn Wall, president of local tire manufacturer, Walls Tire Co., said that the current year has been good for the company and its employees.  Their sales are up 20% from last year, which allowed them to recall many employees that had been laid off.  They have also expanded their work force by adding about 20 new jobs.

Quotation #3

Marsha Moss, local symphony orchestra director, stated that the audience’s response to last night’s concert was gratifying.  She said that they seemed to enjoy the entire program and that it was a lot more fun that performing for a bunch of critics.  She was happy to know people appreciate all the hard work the orchestra puts in to every concert.

Quotation #4

City council member Jerry Butts said that their options were very limited this year as too whether or not they could grant the police a raise.  Although he believes they deserve the raise, giving it to them would cause property taxes to increase, which he is fairly certain would outrage people in the community.

Flickr Picture

Photo courtesy of Flickr user ecstaticist.

This photo shows two sailboats far out in the ocean.  The closest boat has a sail that is blue and yellow and is spread out by the wind.  There is a silhouette of a person sitting down and steering the boat.  The further boat’s sail looks green and yellow and does not appear to be completely open.

There are grayish-white clouds above with the blueish-purple sky peeking through at different spots.  The reflection of the sun is shining brightly off of the dark blue ocean water. There are ripples in the water from the waves.